To my Luke Skywalker

I think I fell in-love with you a little bit more,
today.
The curve of your smirk,
the crinkle in your eye,
that once made me so
breathless.
I'm starting to understand how to love you from a distance,
to keep you happy,
even if it's just a little.
I've stopped asking questions that aren't meant to be answered
and started keeping my head down
even if it's just a little.
Just so I won't scare you with my ego.

I think I fell in-love with you a little bit more,
today than yesterday.
Drowning in memories of you,
when you used to laugh,
or smile.
What a beautiful way to die.
Falling head-fist into what we called "family days".
With hot-dogs, and beans and coleslaw,
and Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader for company.
While cuddling up beneath the same afgan,
just for some warmth.
Back when being "in-love" meant chasing each other around the "church's" halls,
Being "together" mean you'd hold my hand and chase away any
young suitor who came alongthreatening under your breath
"I'll beat the crap outta him".
Way back when "crap" was a "bad word",
and kissing was "eewwwww!!!! cooties!!!"

Falling in-love with you was
like eating a candy bar.
Finishing, then craving more so badly that you'd go broke trying to buy more.
You were my addiction,
my drug.
At ten and eleven you overwhelmed my senses,
became my protector, my knight.
Now as we've drifted so far,
and you have abandoned your post as my knight
to become some other princess's,
I will only allow myself to love you so much,
before I too,
find other.

To Be Bled

This is all that's left of me,
so take away the pieces till I have none left for myself.
Today is the day of new skies,
so come closer to me
and help me capture the clouds with my bare hands,
for my skin has become so transparent
that even the sun reflects my sorrows.....

Allow this piercing pain to hide beneath my pride,
so that it does not reflect into my eyes,
keep my monster at bay with your fantasies,
so I do not wear out my cover
so quickly,
hold my heart closer to your eyes,
and please look past the
pain in which I have endured
so that I may enjoy your company once more....

Wipe away the past that clouds your filmy eyes,
Lull me to sleep by your sweet lullabies,
Keep the silver from my wrists
so I do not cry red,
Place your heart between me and the blade,
Which will surely slice away my sanity,
Which will surely
slit away this throat.....

Today is the day that I will
bend my pride and hold back my tongue,
I will kiss the floor beneath my toes,
and lock away my lust,
Bend my arm behind my back
to hold away my sarcastic defense.
If only you could see you as I do,
if only you
could see the world through my eyes,
maybe then you'd understand
the memories
that I wish that didn't leave traces.....

Like a glass doll in a glass house,
and I'm not the one throwing stones,
worlds around me fall,
and don't let me feel the joy on falling down just to spite me.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
I'm sorry I'm not God,
I'm sorry I can't give you the love you deserve,
maybe next time I should just
pull the trigger for you rather than
trying to take away the gun.....

It's time to take a break and breathe,
but when the time comes
I can't get you off my heart.

Breast or Chest?

She was slender with 34 B sized cups,
And he was gangly as a gargoyle.
She had full red lips,
While he hid bulk under his ‘I didn’t do it!’ t-shirt.
She struck with words,
He struck with fists,
Out of both, she hurt the most.
“Mommy, can’t God just change me to a boy?”
No, you were condemned to a life of size-twos and frilly pom-poms,
Yet you fought so hard till you broke.
Everyday, coming home, hand over stomach,
Heart filled with tears.
“mommy, I wish God made me a boy.”
Words I now know bit at her.
But words I rolled out with dry heaves and bloody-tissues.
“This is how a girl should be”
Tea parties with chipped china,
And pants stained by grass.
This is who I wanted to be,
To defy the ‘girl code’
To be the boy,
I knew I would never
Become.

Blood Scar

You came to me with scars decorating your wrists,
So who to blame?
Don’t tell me it’s not your fault.
Don’t try and fool yourself.
It wont work on me.
I know a liar when I see one.
I should know.
The bloody sheets,
curtains that have witnessed your shame.
They all speak to me for you.
No need to open your mouth,
You actions say it all.

Good student

I don’t understand,
Why you endure this torture.
What crime have you done?

You are a great student,
So why now are you falling?
It all makes no sense.

Throat closed up, hands tight,
Breath held in, I say ‘good-bye’,
Eyes shut, the curtains close.

Dried up, dried out now,
This is no place for a child.
Your time has not come.

You don't want this answer

“Don’t try and talk to her, she won’t answer.”
Yes, I will answer.
I will answer with a chorus of screams,
And a hell fold of lashing tongues.
They won’t be answers you want to hear,
But those answers are the answers you’ll get.

My. Ending.

You are my lover,
my friend,
and everyday I think I'm falling more and more in-love with you.
I want you to hold me,
hide me.
I love you so much my heart screams it.
I feel like I'm ablout to explode.
I can't sleep at night because thoughts of you fill my head.
You have captured my heart on every way.
To tell you honestly,
I'm afraid.
Afraid that one day I'll screw up,
and that I'll lose you forever.
I'm scared of my temper,
and my self-control.
I want you to love me and hold me close.
Please hold me closer.
I love you so much.
Please just hold me closer.


This is thanks to Joker Rose (jokerrose.blogspot.com) he told me i should personilze it mre, any ideas?? thanks.