Infatuation

A gust of unseemly time throws off my balance
as the perfect figure of you personality licks at the robes of others.
Colors of hopeful black and smudged grey drape you shoulders,
And your name resound in my head like a broken record player.
Your stallion brown eyes take in and process all thoughts as they wander 215.
You astound me, Laura.

Broken Records

I try to tell you ‘I love you’
Yet my words are swallowed up by the strum of my heart,
And the violent blush which consumes my face.
My words stream along, falling and tripping over themselves as old record player
halts itself.
And here I stand.
My body draped with petals of tears and shame-filled expressions.
Back peddling so fast that I am consumed by another complication.
You catch on too quickly as I begin to back away.
I hate you, hate you, hate you, love you.
Salt and iron fill my senses as my teeth tug at my lips.
My eyes lower themselves to face feet.
Nails dig into the palms of my hands as you caress my face.
I push you away.
The simple words ‘I love you’ doesn’t seem to cut it.

Strangle my Sapling

Heartbeats synchronize themselves
to the ticking of the seconds hand
as my tear torn face lifts from the haze of pain.
Small hands wrap themselves around my fingers as you smile up at me.
Mask on, lights off:
the nurses say goodnight as shifts are traded.
I will not leave your side my child.
All I have left in the world is your smile and toothless giggles.
Like a malicious vine climbing up the tree of life and strangling it,
you cough.
My eyes water once again as your hand slips away, and eyes glass over.
Monitors beep constantly as I am shoved away by the ‘one two three CLEAR!’,
And the music of a mockingbird play behind my mind;

“Hush little baby,
don’t say a word
Pappas gonna buy you a mockingbird
If that mockingbird don’t sing
Pappas gonna buy you a diamond ring”

Your breathing lifts open my eyelids
as cool hands guide me back to your side.
“I love you baby-girl.” I whisper humbly,
I know these may just be the last words I say to you.

Blackened Ash

My pen is stifled by unshed blood,
As my hands crave for that delectable red.
Iron, salt, water phosphorus and God know what other elements
Make up my human genetic code.
Other homo-sapiens, even those of my own blood,
Mock me for the horror which I have committed.
Chipped black nail polish fools my acquaintances into thinkingI am ‘‘good’’.
Eighteen percent carbon, sixty-five percent oxygen.
Ten percent hydrogen, three percent nitrogen.
One point five percent calcium, one percent phosphorus.
Point thirty-five percent potassium, point twenty-five percent sulfur.
Point fifteen percent sodium, point zero five magnesium,
And traces of fifteen other elements make up my human shell.
I belong in hell,
not in this place where ‘‘good’’ titles are given to bad people.
I don’t deserve a second chance,
I don’t want one.
Yet I still try to fight for life,
Fight against the ongoing empathy for my loved-ones,
which fills me from top to bottom.
The dry wells of my heart fill with tears that try to escape,
But are only to face a barrier of pain, guilt and self-hate.
Ashen gray,
I stare at my dilated pupils in the darkness.
Blue rimmed eyes with black hopes stare back at me.
The television screen is streaked with blood,
as I tried to break it into reality,
but I underestimated its strength.
Crackling wood and flaming heat lick at my head
as the headboards fall from the sky of my mind.
Kicking, screaming she wakes, hungry and angry.
My fists are no longer my own as she takes hold.
Beating against mirrors, not being able to stand my own reflection
I slip into a world of unconscious behavior.
I watch from the clouds
as my core of existence follows the directions that have been planted inside my head.
I want your pleas as I raise the gun.
Triggers are pulled as I fall down.
People say there are no tears in heaven.
I just proved heaven wrong.
Watching her capture my heart and soul,
making them fail
because I can no longer fight against myself-
I slip away.

Twlight

You slide your hands into my back pockets of my jeans,
just as the silver sunset welcomes the new dark and the twilight of my heart.
My arms slide aroundyour neck as your forehead presses its self against mine. Late nights together on a blanket till teh dawn begins to fade away the starlit sky. You carry me back to your small, red truck and place me in the seat next to you. My head rests on your shoulder as you hum to the tunes on the radio. Red light, and you capture my lips in a quick passion. My heart races as you press your foot lightly on the gas when the light turns green. We cross the intersection as I try to block out the sun with my arm over my head. Blaring horns startle me as my eyes rip themselves open in time to see his face frantic as he tried to spin the wheel. All going so fast i couldn't even blink. Tossed to the seat he covers me with his body, shielding me from the incoming impact, the door closing its self around his leg, making he face tear into shock and agony. Rolling on the grass he covers my face with his hands, keeping the glass from my face. I hear the sound of leaking gas and smell the blood dripping from his head. My vision is filled with white lights as my throat chokes up from thinking about how our ride home was in vain. I feel his heart stop as paramedics pry open the door, pulling us both out as a spark of light blinds my periferal vision. I hear the 'one, two three, clear!' a blanket is wrapped around my shoulders. Blue and red flashing lights pull up as a man in blue begins to question me. I see my lover's chest rise and falls my body runs to him, without a second thought. He captures my hands and presses a ring into it.
"I will never let you down." his hand falls as they run him into the white van. I really do believe there is an artist in the ambulance.

Oreo Lips

Scraped knees and demin jumpers left me apart
as oreo lined lips spoke of playing in mud and hosting tea parties.
While other girls stood on the scale at night to make sure they stayed below 90 pounds.
String bikinis glared in distaste at my black one piece as I slipped into the water.
There was no peace here.
I was condemned to the 'their rules'.
Penciled eyebrows were raised as my black Tripp pants lead me foreward.
Secrets can change,
but memories live forever.

Eclipsed by a Butterfly

Oh little butterfly,
what beautiful patterns you carry.
Oh little butterfly,
how entrancing is your dance.
I am eclipsed by you.

Stick a pin through my little bodice,
For I have not deserved it, master.
I will save the last beat of my wings just for you.

My little butterfly,
show me the true meaning of beauty.
For my facade is barely enough to keep this ugly face hidden.

I can not help you,
my master,
for my beauty is only skin deep.
The patterns of my wings hide me from my enemies,
but attract others like you.

Goddess of the wing,
I wish for your freedom.
For I am only as good as the next rotting corpse.
Let me gaze upon your beauty once more.

Diary of a Geisha

I submit myself to you.
My wings of grace serve only to please you.
Please command me my master,
For I am only here to serve you.

My existance may be erased in only a fraction of a second,
even if it is to please you.
I will dance ever so carefully,
only to make your eyes glued to me.

I want you to ravish me, use me as your doll.
I am only here to serve you.
My lover, you have sheltered me from evil,
you have held me tight when I was afraid,
now I only live to serve you.

You have dressed me in the finest of silks,
and given me all that I need.
When I wake up,
I can feel your body shaping mine.

You are so gentle with me,
as if I could break.
I want you to be rough and loving.
I need you to fill me, love me harshly.

You ghost touches over my curves and down my next,
only push me to desire you more.
As I dance for you now,
I can feel your lust for me in your eyes.

I can now feel the little nudging of the baby we created inside me.
And I am scared.
Will you still look at me the same?
Or will you cast me away?

I can feel the intense heat in your gaze as I stumble over my words,
I can't get them out of my mouth.
You crash your lips to mine and whisper in my ear,
"I love you."