My pen is stifled by unshed blood,
As my hands crave for that delectable red.
Iron, salt, water phosphorus and God know what other elements
Make up my human genetic code.
Other homo-sapiens, even those of my own blood,
Mock me for the horror which I have committed.
Chipped black nail polish fools my acquaintances into thinkingI am ‘‘good’’.
Eighteen percent carbon, sixty-five percent oxygen.
Ten percent hydrogen, three percent nitrogen.
One point five percent calcium, one percent phosphorus.
Point thirty-five percent potassium, point twenty-five percent sulfur.
Point fifteen percent sodium, point zero five magnesium,
And traces of fifteen other elements make up my human shell.
I belong in hell,
not in this place where ‘‘good’’ titles are given to bad people.
I don’t deserve a second chance,
I don’t want one.
Yet I still try to fight for life,
Fight against the ongoing empathy for my loved-ones,
which fills me from top to bottom.
The dry wells of my heart fill with tears that try to escape,
But are only to face a barrier of pain, guilt and self-hate.
Ashen gray,
I stare at my dilated pupils in the darkness.
Blue rimmed eyes with black hopes stare back at me.
The television screen is streaked with blood,
as I tried to break it into reality,
but I underestimated its strength.
Crackling wood and flaming heat lick at my head
as the headboards fall from the sky of my mind.
Kicking, screaming she wakes, hungry and angry.
My fists are no longer my own as she takes hold.
Beating against mirrors, not being able to stand my own reflection
I slip into a world of unconscious behavior.
I watch from the clouds
as my core of existence follows the directions that have been planted inside my head.
I want your pleas as I raise the gun.
Triggers are pulled as I fall down.
People say there are no tears in heaven.
I just proved heaven wrong.
Watching her capture my heart and soul,
making them fail
because I can no longer fight against myself-
I slip away.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Twlight
You slide your hands into my back pockets of my jeans,
just as the silver sunset welcomes the new dark and the twilight of my heart.
My arms slide aroundyour neck as your forehead presses its self against mine. Late nights together on a blanket till teh dawn begins to fade away the starlit sky. You carry me back to your small, red truck and place me in the seat next to you. My head rests on your shoulder as you hum to the tunes on the radio. Red light, and you capture my lips in a quick passion. My heart races as you press your foot lightly on the gas when the light turns green. We cross the intersection as I try to block out the sun with my arm over my head. Blaring horns startle me as my eyes rip themselves open in time to see his face frantic as he tried to spin the wheel. All going so fast i couldn't even blink. Tossed to the seat he covers me with his body, shielding me from the incoming impact, the door closing its self around his leg, making he face tear into shock and agony. Rolling on the grass he covers my face with his hands, keeping the glass from my face. I hear the sound of leaking gas and smell the blood dripping from his head. My vision is filled with white lights as my throat chokes up from thinking about how our ride home was in vain. I feel his heart stop as paramedics pry open the door, pulling us both out as a spark of light blinds my periferal vision. I hear the 'one, two three, clear!' a blanket is wrapped around my shoulders. Blue and red flashing lights pull up as a man in blue begins to question me. I see my lover's chest rise and falls my body runs to him, without a second thought. He captures my hands and presses a ring into it.
"I will never let you down." his hand falls as they run him into the white van. I really do believe there is an artist in the ambulance.
just as the silver sunset welcomes the new dark and the twilight of my heart.
My arms slide aroundyour neck as your forehead presses its self against mine. Late nights together on a blanket till teh dawn begins to fade away the starlit sky. You carry me back to your small, red truck and place me in the seat next to you. My head rests on your shoulder as you hum to the tunes on the radio. Red light, and you capture my lips in a quick passion. My heart races as you press your foot lightly on the gas when the light turns green. We cross the intersection as I try to block out the sun with my arm over my head. Blaring horns startle me as my eyes rip themselves open in time to see his face frantic as he tried to spin the wheel. All going so fast i couldn't even blink. Tossed to the seat he covers me with his body, shielding me from the incoming impact, the door closing its self around his leg, making he face tear into shock and agony. Rolling on the grass he covers my face with his hands, keeping the glass from my face. I hear the sound of leaking gas and smell the blood dripping from his head. My vision is filled with white lights as my throat chokes up from thinking about how our ride home was in vain. I feel his heart stop as paramedics pry open the door, pulling us both out as a spark of light blinds my periferal vision. I hear the 'one, two three, clear!' a blanket is wrapped around my shoulders. Blue and red flashing lights pull up as a man in blue begins to question me. I see my lover's chest rise and falls my body runs to him, without a second thought. He captures my hands and presses a ring into it.
"I will never let you down." his hand falls as they run him into the white van. I really do believe there is an artist in the ambulance.
Oreo Lips
Scraped knees and demin jumpers left me apart
as oreo lined lips spoke of playing in mud and hosting tea parties.
While other girls stood on the scale at night to make sure they stayed below 90 pounds.
String bikinis glared in distaste at my black one piece as I slipped into the water.
There was no peace here.
I was condemned to the 'their rules'.
Penciled eyebrows were raised as my black Tripp pants lead me foreward.
Secrets can change,
but memories live forever.
as oreo lined lips spoke of playing in mud and hosting tea parties.
While other girls stood on the scale at night to make sure they stayed below 90 pounds.
String bikinis glared in distaste at my black one piece as I slipped into the water.
There was no peace here.
I was condemned to the 'their rules'.
Penciled eyebrows were raised as my black Tripp pants lead me foreward.
Secrets can change,
but memories live forever.
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