Blackened Ash

My pen is stifled by unshed blood,
As my hands crave for that delectable red.
Iron, salt, water phosphorus and God know what other elements
Make up my human genetic code.
Other homo-sapiens, even those of my own blood,
Mock me for the horror which I have committed.
Chipped black nail polish fools my acquaintances into thinkingI am ‘‘good’’.
Eighteen percent carbon, sixty-five percent oxygen.
Ten percent hydrogen, three percent nitrogen.
One point five percent calcium, one percent phosphorus.
Point thirty-five percent potassium, point twenty-five percent sulfur.
Point fifteen percent sodium, point zero five magnesium,
And traces of fifteen other elements make up my human shell.
I belong in hell,
not in this place where ‘‘good’’ titles are given to bad people.
I don’t deserve a second chance,
I don’t want one.
Yet I still try to fight for life,
Fight against the ongoing empathy for my loved-ones,
which fills me from top to bottom.
The dry wells of my heart fill with tears that try to escape,
But are only to face a barrier of pain, guilt and self-hate.
Ashen gray,
I stare at my dilated pupils in the darkness.
Blue rimmed eyes with black hopes stare back at me.
The television screen is streaked with blood,
as I tried to break it into reality,
but I underestimated its strength.
Crackling wood and flaming heat lick at my head
as the headboards fall from the sky of my mind.
Kicking, screaming she wakes, hungry and angry.
My fists are no longer my own as she takes hold.
Beating against mirrors, not being able to stand my own reflection
I slip into a world of unconscious behavior.
I watch from the clouds
as my core of existence follows the directions that have been planted inside my head.
I want your pleas as I raise the gun.
Triggers are pulled as I fall down.
People say there are no tears in heaven.
I just proved heaven wrong.
Watching her capture my heart and soul,
making them fail
because I can no longer fight against myself-
I slip away.