To my Luke Skywalker

I think I fell in-love with you a little bit more,
today.
The curve of your smirk,
the crinkle in your eye,
that once made me so
breathless.
I'm starting to understand how to love you from a distance,
to keep you happy,
even if it's just a little.
I've stopped asking questions that aren't meant to be answered
and started keeping my head down
even if it's just a little.
Just so I won't scare you with my ego.

I think I fell in-love with you a little bit more,
today than yesterday.
Drowning in memories of you,
when you used to laugh,
or smile.
What a beautiful way to die.
Falling head-fist into what we called "family days".
With hot-dogs, and beans and coleslaw,
and Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader for company.
While cuddling up beneath the same afgan,
just for some warmth.
Back when being "in-love" meant chasing each other around the "church's" halls,
Being "together" mean you'd hold my hand and chase away any
young suitor who came alongthreatening under your breath
"I'll beat the crap outta him".
Way back when "crap" was a "bad word",
and kissing was "eewwwww!!!! cooties!!!"

Falling in-love with you was
like eating a candy bar.
Finishing, then craving more so badly that you'd go broke trying to buy more.
You were my addiction,
my drug.
At ten and eleven you overwhelmed my senses,
became my protector, my knight.
Now as we've drifted so far,
and you have abandoned your post as my knight
to become some other princess's,
I will only allow myself to love you so much,
before I too,
find other.

To Be Bled

This is all that's left of me,
so take away the pieces till I have none left for myself.
Today is the day of new skies,
so come closer to me
and help me capture the clouds with my bare hands,
for my skin has become so transparent
that even the sun reflects my sorrows.....

Allow this piercing pain to hide beneath my pride,
so that it does not reflect into my eyes,
keep my monster at bay with your fantasies,
so I do not wear out my cover
so quickly,
hold my heart closer to your eyes,
and please look past the
pain in which I have endured
so that I may enjoy your company once more....

Wipe away the past that clouds your filmy eyes,
Lull me to sleep by your sweet lullabies,
Keep the silver from my wrists
so I do not cry red,
Place your heart between me and the blade,
Which will surely slice away my sanity,
Which will surely
slit away this throat.....

Today is the day that I will
bend my pride and hold back my tongue,
I will kiss the floor beneath my toes,
and lock away my lust,
Bend my arm behind my back
to hold away my sarcastic defense.
If only you could see you as I do,
if only you
could see the world through my eyes,
maybe then you'd understand
the memories
that I wish that didn't leave traces.....

Like a glass doll in a glass house,
and I'm not the one throwing stones,
worlds around me fall,
and don't let me feel the joy on falling down just to spite me.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
I'm sorry I'm not God,
I'm sorry I can't give you the love you deserve,
maybe next time I should just
pull the trigger for you rather than
trying to take away the gun.....

It's time to take a break and breathe,
but when the time comes
I can't get you off my heart.